Have a Short Term Memory
You can't change what's already happened
Guess what? You can’t change what’s already happened. All you can do is change what you do next. Dwelling on something that has happened in the past isn’t going to change the situation you are in in the present. All it takes is for you to realize that.
Imagine you’re playing in the infield in a baseball game. A routine grounder rolls your way—and slips right through your glove. The crowd sighs. You’re frustrated, maybe embarrassed. But then the next batter steps up. The next play, you make a diving catch and throw a strike to first base. Boom, inning over.
A mistake doesn’t define you; your response does.
I had to learn this the hard way.
The number one thing I did to fix it? Have a short-term memory.
When I moved to Germany to pursue a professional soccer career, I knew it would be tough, but it was much harder than anticipated.
I was used to being the top player on every team I played on, and then suddenly, I was the one struggling to get minutes. Some teammates laughed at my mistakes. Coaches barely acknowledged me.
At first, all I wanted to do was blame the coaches for not seeing the skill I had as a player. But, after months of self-reflection, my mindset completely flipped. I told myself, “ You only have 10 months here. Are you going to waste your time blaming other people? Or are you going to work hard and do something about it.”
I had to accept the fact that I wasn’t a top player in this new environment. but I would much rather accept that then have to tell everyone 40 years from now that the reason I didn’t accomplish my dreams was because I gave up.
I changed my mindset, and my results changed. I started working harder in practice, did extra work outside of team training, and slowly, my role in the team increased. Playing longer, getting more respect, and eventually earning a spot on a semi-professional team outside of the academy.
Forget what other people have to say, look at the situation you’re in, and do something about it. Don’t dwell on what could have been when you can still change the outcome.
Everything Happens for a Reason
When it comes to failures and negative events that occur in your life, you need to realize that everything happens for a reason and that every experience is an opportunity.
While I was trying out for the team I eventually played semi-pro at, I got injured two different times.
Picture this: You’ve spent the whole year working toward one goal. You move to Europe, away from everything you love, just for this shot. And then… Two injuries. One at the end of summer, one at the end of winter.
The first tryout, someone put their knee in my back, and it had me walking at an angle for 2 months. The second time, I had a 50/50 with someone, which gave me a grade 2 Achilles strain.
They weren’t TERRIBLE injuries, but they were both at the end of the season, so I couldn’t do anything. So, both times I went home, rehabbed, and tried again.
When I finally made the team during my 3rd tryout (the only tryout I lasted longer than an hour), it was such a relief. It was January 2024, 9 months after I first tried out for that team, and I finally made it.
I could finally start living my dream, playing and practicing in the highest youth league in Germany, the “NLZ” or the Nachwuchsleistungszentrum.
(I think the NLZ is a better name… wbu?)
A month later? Injured again.
This time was much worse. I had FAI hip impingement. But I went home, rehabbed again, and told myself it was just another stepping stone. But after six months, I wasn’t fully recovered. But time was running out—teams were finalizing rosters before the season started, and I pushed myself to get back to my old level.
I couldn’t.
I got offers from a couple of lower-level teams. But I had to ask myself some hard questions:
Was my mental health okay?
Was my body ready?
Was I wasting time chasing something that might not happen?
I made the hardest call of my life.
I quit.
For me, the positives didn’t outweigh the negatives. In the moment, I knew the decision I was making fully, and I have no regrets.
Of course, this still came with a lot of heavy thoughts.
“All that money your parents spent on you went to waste.”
“All that time you spent, you could have enjoyed your high school experience.”
But in reality, it was still the best decision I ever made. I saw the world, was exposed to different cultures, and most importantly, grew up.
Not just because I was 16, living alone and buying my own groceries, but because of the circumstances I was allowed to overcome. I never would have been in those situations if I had never left, and I wouldn’t be who I am today.
I got to experience the things I did.
Yes, it is extremely difficult to tell yourself, “everything happens for a reason” when your dream is slipping away, but if I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t have been able to get over it and be on the path I am today.
Forgiveness
One of the most important areas to develop short-term is also in forgiving people, especially yourself.
You’re going to mess up. You’re going to fall short, disappoint yourself, or hurt people you care about. But holding that against yourself doesn’t do anything but keep you stuck. When you learn to forgive yourself, you stop carrying guilt and allow yourself to focus on progress.
That same mindset applies to others, too. Every relationship you have will include moments of pain. Either you’ll let someone down, or they’ll let you down. Practicing short-term memory in relationships means learning how to let go fast. It means apologizing when you're wrong and forgiving when they are. Not because they always deserve it, but because you do.
This doesn’t mean you let people walk all over you either. It simply means you refuse to let someone else’s actions keep hurting you. If you keep replaying the moment they hurt you, they’re still holding that power over you, long after the damage is done.
Holding grudges, acting petty, and waiting around for apologies that never come doesn’t help. If something won’t matter next week, next month, or next year, let it go. You have better things to think about.
Mistakes, failures, heartbreaks—they’re all part of life. But they don’t have to live rent-free in your head. If you keep replaying these in your mind, you’ll start expecting disappointment everywhere.
Consciously choose what deserves your energy.
Having a short-term memory isn’t about forgetting what matters. It’s about remembering what does.